Shakespeare, have you ever heard of a potluck?

No.  What is it?

I’m not sure.  Let’s see if we can figure it out.

I know Mom keeps pots and pans in that one cupboard.

But what does luck have to do with it?

Maybe if you get all the food in the pot humans say it’s good luck and so they call it potluck.

Sounds logical to me.  Humans are always coming up with strange things.

What made you ask about it?

Mom didn’t come home from work right away tonight ‘cuz she said she was going to a potluck at church.

Why didn’t we get to go?

I think it was only for humans.

Maybe we could have our own potluck here.

Hey, that’s a great idea.

We can grab a pot and fill it with our food and Ebony’s food and then invite Champ over to join us.

Do you know how to open the containers where the food is stored?

No…….

Let’s go look out the window instead.

Ok.

Are we responsible for the fur-uh-kane?  I swear I had nothing to do with it!

What are you talking about now, Shakespeare?

The fur-uh-kane.  They keep talking about it on the news.

Do you mean hurricane?

Maybe.  What is it?

That is something that happens in the weather and it’s not good.  It brings lots of wind and rain and can cause lots of damage.  The hurricane you keep hearing about is out on the East Coast right now.

Is that close to us?

No.

I wouldn’t like it, would I?

No way.  You know how scared you get when there’s some wind here?   Well, that’s nothing compared to the wind in a hurricane.   When Mom was a little girl she lived in Florida and she said they were in hurricanes down there.  She didn’t like it.

I was afraid it had something to do with us leaving fur all over the place, especially when we are wrestling.  Hey……..I just thought of another reason we couldn’t be blamed.  You said it was a “her-a-cane” and we’re both boy kitties so it can’t be our fault.

Shakespeare, you are in a lot of trouble!!!

I know.  I feel really bad.

Mom was nice enough to let us outside when she got home from work and you blew it.   Why wouldn’t you come in when she called?

Well, I heard her talking to Champ’s Dad and she told him that we were never let outside when it was dark.  I guess I wanted to know why.  I saw Mom take you inside and I figured I would stay out until it got dark just so I could see what happens.

You were out almost until it got dark.

I got scared.  That big light in the sky that humans call the sun started falling down and then it started getting kind of dark.  I started thinking about my clean water dish, my food, my treats and my soft bed.  It was scary outside when it started getting dark.

Mom was worried about you and so was I.  You were outside for a very long time.  I kept going to the windows and the doors to see if you were there.

I heard Mom coming outside quite a few times, too.

See, Mom just wants us to be safe.  You never know what might be out there in the dark.  It’s much better to be safely inside with our food and toys and Mom.

If Mom reads this, she might want you to list her first!

Shakespeare, being cute isn’t going to help you now.  You were naughty!

Mom let us go outside again tonight so that means five days in a row and that’s a whole paw-full!  Next stop……TWO paws-full!!

Shakespeare, what happens if Mom lets us out for bunches and bunches of days in a row?  Are you going to keep count?

Sure.  Why not?

What happens if you run out of paws?

I’ll use your paws.

I only have four paws so then what?

We can use our tails to count.  Then we can use our ears.  Then maybe we can even use our whiskers.

You have this all planned, don’t you?

Sure do.

Well, if we use all of our paws, our tails, our ears and even our whiskers for counting, by that time it will be winter and we won’t want to go outside and I don’t think Mom would let us out anyway.

Ok, I need a treat so I can think about this more.  I still think it’s good to try to make it two paws-full.  Maybe I can write a song about that.

You can’t even sing.

Can to!

We finally know what we want to be when we grow up!

We’re so excited about it and it makes perfect sense.

We’re going to be “human trainers” and teach them how to let us fur people do the things we want to do.

Hemingway, why are those people out there laughing?

I don’t know, but I still say we have a good idea.

We sure do.  We’re training Mom and she’s a stubborn human so that means we can probably train all humans.

Let us give you an example.  Both Shakespeare and I love to go outside…

I can’t wait to get outside!!!!

Hmmmmm……now if I could only train you to be quiet.

Sorry.

Anyway, we put on our most adorable faces and greet Mom at the door when she comes home from work.  She’s always so glad to see us and usually she gives us a treat right away.

I love treats!

Well, tonight she looked at us and asked us if we wanted to go outside.  Imagine that!  First thing she talks to us about is going outside instead of asking us if we wanted treats.  We were so surprised and happy.  We still wanted treats but we really wanted to go outside.

We’ve been able to go outside four days in a row now.  That’s almost one paw-full!!

So, for any of you fur people out there who are reading this, we just want to let you know that we are available for “human training”.  We’ll try to keep our prices down….

Until we become famous!!!

Shakespeare, you are such a dreamer.

Hemingway!  You scared me to death!!!!

What do you mean?

Well, we were both just enjoying a nice evening lying by the front door.  We could see the world outside and even though I wasn’t actually outside, I could pretend I was ‘cuz I could feel the breeze.

That was kind of fun, wasn’t it?  I love it when Mom opens the door for us.  The windows just aren’t the same.  There’s something special about being able to stare out the door.

I could see some birds flying around and those little things that are all different colors.

Those are butterflies.

It was such a nice time and then you had to spoil it.

How did I spoil it?

You saw that other cat outside and you made a really terrible noise!!!

Oh, that’s right.  HA!  I didn’t know I could make a noise like that!  I think I surprised myself.  I noticed you went running away to hide.

I had to.  You scared me.  You even looked strange.

Mom was laughing at me ‘cuz she said I had a “Mohawk”.  I didn’t know what she was talking about and then she told me that my fur was standing straight up along my spine.  She kept petting me to get me to calm down.

Why did you get so upset?

That cat doesn’t belong in our territory.  I was just trying to protect you and Mom.

Well, next time could you be a little more gentle about it?  I had to stay in hiding until late in the night.  I think Mom was concerned that I might never come out again.

You’re just too wimpy at times.

Well, you’re just too big and loud at times.

Let’s go see if it’s time for Mom to get home yet.  Maybe she’ll let us play outside tonight.

Shakespeare, what are you having a fit about now?

I’m old enough to go outside and play.

So?

So why doesn’t Mom let me out?

She has been letting you out.  We were outside playing last night.  Don’t you remember how you went over to the fence to meet Champ?

That was LAST night!!!  What about tonight?

Well, I’m not sure why Mom didn’t let us go out and play tonight.  I will admit I was kind of upset, too.

It’s not fair!  Mom gets to go outside every day but we don’t.  When will we be old enough to go outside when we want?

I have a feeling that’s not going to happen.  Mom doesn’t want anything bad to happen to us so if she doesn’t have time to check on us, I don’t think we get to go outside.

How about if I keep track of you and you keep track of me?  Do you think Mom might let us go out more then?

She might.

Ok, I’m going to find just the right time to try to sell her on this great idea!  Hey, do you think other fur people have this problem?

I don’t know, why?

Well, maybe some of our readers are fur people and they can let us know if they get to go outside whenever they want to.

So ask them!

What about it?  Any of you fur people out there care to give us an answer???

Hey Shakespeare, have you heard that human phrase that says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

No.  Why do I want to teach any dog tricks?

I don’t know…but I was thinking about that last night.  Ebony is old but she still seems to be learning new things.  She didn’t use to eat her supper outside and now she’s learned to do that.

So?

Well, it’s just making me wonder if they say that about cats, too.  I think we’re pretty smart and I think we can learn tricks any old time we want to.  It’s just that most times we think it’s stupid to do tricks.

You do a trick to get your treats.

That’s different.  I know it makes Mom happy when I sit up and beg for my treats.

I think it’s stupid.

Well, go ahead and think that but at least Mom pays lots of attention to me when I do that.

Why are you asking me about old dogs and tricks?

In December I will be turning two.  I’m just wondering if that means I’m getting old.

I don’t think so.  You’re still lots younger than Mom.

I think everyone’s younger than Mom.

Boy are you ever going to be in trouble!!!!  If Mom sees this she probably won’t give you any treats even if you beg.  I’m going to get away from this computer before Mom thinks I’m the one talking about her being old.

I think I may have put my paw in my mouth this time!  Where’s the delete button?  Quick!!!  I need to get this off the screen before Mom……………………

I heard things are going to be falling soon.

What are you talking about?

Mom said fall is coming.  Does that mean all of us fall down?

No.  Fall is one of the seasons and it is supposed to come after summer and before winter.  However, some humans claim that in Minnesota some years winter comes right after summer!

But why is it called fall?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the leaves fall off the trees.

Oh no!!!!  I’m not liking this at all.  What happens to the branches?  Do they fall down too?  Then does the whole tree fall down?  We’re all going to be crunched!

Will you calm down? Don’t you remember last year?  I know you were still pretty little but I’m sure you noticed that outside the leaves turned different colors and then they fell to the ground.  Don’t you remember Mom complaining about all the raking she had to do?  She had to get the leaves off the ground before the snow came.  I’m not too clear on why humans think they have to do that, though.

Where do the leaves go?

They go to a resting place and then when winter is over the birds fly around and glue them back on the trees.

You’re trying to confuse me! 

Is it working?

Well, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about falling down.  I think that would hurt.

Have you been into the catnip again?  You are really goofy today.

Maybe…………but Mom still loves me!

One of our favorite things is our scratching post.

We play with it so much that it is wearing out.

That’s your fault.  You’re too rough with it.

Am not!  I just want to stretch my toes and sharpen my claws.  Besides, Mom says it’s a good thing to exercise.

Then you should have her get you a treadmill.

You’re really not being very nice today.  Why are you so crabby?

I think it’s just because it’s too hot and I’m tired of wearing this heavy fur coat.  If I start shedding my coat I know Mom will get upset ‘cuz she doesn’t like to see hair all over the place.

She’s been brushing me lots lately and I like it but you move around too much and it’s hard for her to brush you.

Maybe I’ll try standing still a couple of times.  Does it really feel good to be brushed?

Oh yes!!!  Mom gets out some of that loose hair I have and then I don’t have to worry about swallowing it when I’m grooming myself.

I never thought about that!

Hey……..how did we get from the scratching post to talking about being brushed?

Who knows?  Shall we show the humans how cute we are with our worn out scratching post?

Sure.  Maybe someone will buy us a new one!