Humans Are So Funny!

I have to tell you about something strange that happened last night.  I have no idea where Shakespeare was but I wish he had been with me so he could have helped me figure out what Mom was doing.  First of all, she got home really late and we were confused.  I looked at that thing on the wall with all the numbers and the small hand was on 8 and the big hand was on 4.  Now I know that she’s usually supposed to get home when both hands are sort of on the six so I figured something was really wrong.  I was getting tired of waiting for her.  It would have been better if I could have sat in my chair outside and waited.

Anyway, we both tried to tell her how concerned we were, but she just gave us some treats and figured that would make up for being late.  She told us she had been to choir and we both know that means she’s back to singing again with all those people at church so I guess it’s ok.  However, she still needs to let us know when she’s going to be late!

After she finished working on some things, she got ready for bed.  Shakespeare was already napping in the other room so I went in with Mom and she started petting me and talking to me.  I finally settled down towards the end of the bed and just sat there looking at her.  That’s when it happened!  She started talking and talking and talking!  She was telling me all about this book she was reading about a blind kitty.  She told me the kitty’s name and how the kitty had to overcome obstacles. She told me about the kitty’s human who adopted him and how lucky they both were.  She told me how much she loved me and my big green eyes.  I just kept staring at her and she kept talking.

Fur people readers out there………do your humans ever do that to you?  Don’t they know that we don’t understand all those big human words?

I figured Mom just wanted to talk so I pretended like I was listening real hard.  It was actually kind of fun.  She started laughing and said something about how normal it seemed to be telling a cat a bedtime story and how scary that thought was.

I think we both had a special time together last night.

Now What Do We Do????

This is how I get happy. I wait for the humans to give me a tummy rub.

We have to help Mom.

What’s wrong?

Mom’s depressed.

What’s that?

I’m not sure.  As you can see, I’ve been lying here thinking about it.  I know Mom told us one time that her Grandma used to say she was going to press things and that meant she was going to get the wrinkles out of clothes with a hot thing she called an iron.

Does Mom have an iron?

Yes, but she doesn’t use it much and I know we wouldn’t be allowed to touch it.

Well, if that’s pressing, then maybe depressing is when you put the wrinkles back in.  I know Mom doesn’t want more wrinkles.  She says those things make her look old.

That’s true.  I’ve heard them talk about being depressed on TV and they seem to be sad.  Maybe that’s it.

Why is she sad?

She says the world thinks she’s too old and wants to put her out to pasture.

Is the pasture like the back yard?  That sounds like lots of fun!

I’m kind of thinking we’re on the wrong track ‘cuz that wouldn’t make Mom sad.  Sometimes trying to figure out humans is so hard.

That’s why I go outside and think.  Here’s a picture of me doing that.

Deep in thought…………probably about food!

Well, I still don’t know what we should do.  Maybe we should bring her some pretty flowers.  Did you see these outside?  Maybe she would like to have one.  I know it makes her happy to see pretty flowers, birds and butterflies.  I also know she doesn’t want me bringing her any birds or butterflies so maybe flowers will be ok.

I heard Mom say something about this time of year being the dog days of summer.  Man, that’s enough to depress any human or fur person!  Dogs get all the attention.

I think what we need to do is go crawl up in Mom’s lap, start purring and tell her that we don’t think she’s too old.   After all, she wasn’t too old to adopt us and we’re very thankful.

We should also tell her that if the world thinks she’s too old then we think the world is STUPID!

Good idea.  Mom needs to know we love her and need her ‘cuz it would be too scary for us fur people in the human world if she didn’t teach us things.

I Think We’re In Trouble…..

Mom says we have to get a job.

What’s a job?

I don’t know.  I’m wondering if it’s something that flies around.  I know I can get a job if it flies.

Maybe it’s something that’s furry and runs around.  I think both of us could get a job if that’s the case.

Somehow I think we’re on the wrong track.  Mom says she goes to “work” every day.  I wonder if work is another human word for job.  If that’s true, then I don’t think I want a job.

Why not?

Well, you have to get up early every morning.

We already know you can do that.  You always wake Mom up before that thing with the numbers on it starts making noises in the morning.

Fine, so I can handle that part.  However, then you have to go outside somewhere and go in that thing she calls a car and go away from home.

I don’t like going in the car.  It’s scary.  Besides, I don’t think we know how to make it run.

Well, even if we did make it run, where would we take it?

I have no idea.  I guess we would have to take it where the job is and I still don’t know for sure what that is.

Why did Mom put this idea in our heads?????

Maybe she did it so we would have something to write about in our blog.

That’s really sneaky!!!

Professor Hemingway Speaks…

This is one of my favorite thinking spots.  I’m up high enough so I can see in several rooms at once.  I can tell if Shakespeare is eating all our food.  I can tell if Mom is working on the computer.  I can tell if anyone is walking by our house.  I can see birds outside.  Yes, this is my thinking spot.

So what are you thinking about?

I’m thinking that Mom played a really dirty trick on me tonight.


Well, I was outside having all sorts of fun and this little flying thing came right by me and I caught it.  Of course I had to take it in the house to show Mom.

That was dumb.

You’re telling me!  She wasn’t paying attention to me until I started kind of throwing it around in the room where she was sitting.  She came over to see what I had and told me that I shouldn’t be catching butterflies.  At least now I know what they’re called.

I don’t think it’s all your fault.  You just do that naturally.  Remember when you caught that little bird?

Mom was really upset with me then!  I just have these hunting genes in me and they come out at the strangest times.

So what did Mom do with the butterfly?

I don’t know!  All of a sudden it was gone.  I looked all over the house and tried calling for it but I couldn’t find it.  Mom is so sneaky!

Maybe you should just play with the toys Mom got us.  I even like to play with the toys in my new house.

Here I am trying to get my toy mouse to come into my “safe house” with me.

Well, I’ve got to go look and see if I can find that butterfly.  You and your mouse have fun.

I’m a GOOD Kitty!

Shakespeare here and I’m going to tell all our readers about my trip tonight.  Mom tried to make it sound exciting, but you know where she took me?  She took me to see the doctor man!!!  When Mom got home from work I just wanted to go outside and play.  I figured it was going to be a normal night ‘cuz Mom let us out when she got home.  However, I should have known something was up ‘cuz she gave us treats early.  She tried putting me in the carrier and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not getting into it.  I thought I’d won that battle but next thing I knew she had me wrapped in a towel and was carrying me out to the car.  I was NOT happy!

On the way over to the doctor man’s house, I voiced my thoughts loud and clear.  Mom was really surprised at how loud I could meow.  I showed her!  Mom kept petting me and told me everything was going to be fine.  I was the one who had to see the doctor man…..not her.  Mom had some music that she was playing in the car and she said it was kitty music.  I started listening to it and I could hear birds and other kitties and calming music.  I thought it was nice and I did relax.

Here’s the doctor man greeting me and trying to check to make sure I didn’t have any lumps.  Since Mom was right there I didn’t mind too much.

This was soooooo embarrassing!!!  The doctor man made me get on this thing that tells him how much I weigh.  Stupid Mom took a picture of me on that thing.  I didn’t think that was nice at all.  However, the doctor man told me I was a big kitty but I am not overweight.  I was happy ‘cuz he told Hemingway that he was chunky!

After that I tried hiding behind Mom’s purse so nobody could see me.  I had no idea what was next!

I didn’t know what the doctor man was looking for but I figured if I stayed real still he would quit looking.

Why did you bring me here, Mom?  I just wanted to play outside.  Did you notice I was the ONLY kitty in the waiting room?  Why did I have to be here with all those dogs?  To make matters worse, I had to go into a room where dogs get their exams and shots.  I wanted to be in one of the kitty rooms.

Please God, if I promise to be extra good will you tell Mom to bring Hemingway to see the doctor man in my place next time?

Don’t I look adorable?  I got a new carrier and I really like it.  Maybe going to see the doctor man wasn’t all that bad after all.  I know he told me I got a shot but I sure didn’t feel it.  He’s a good doctor!  I think I was a good kitty at the doctor’s house and Mom agrees.  Besides, some people there told me I was very handsome and I love hearing that!

So, that’s my excitement for the evening.  I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight…..if Hemingway will leave me alone!  If I learned anything from this, I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid of the doctor man.  He’s just making sure I’m healthy and I know if I’m healthy then Mom’s happy.  To my fur people readers, be sure to have your humans take you for regular visits to the doctor’s house so you don’t get sick.

Bathrooms Are Dangerous

In all of my exploring, I’ve discovered that the room humans call a “bathroom” is a dangerous place.

What happened?

The other morning I was in there “helping” Mom brush her teeth and get ready for work.

I know you like to be in there when she’s in there.

Yes, I like to see what humans are doing.  Anyway, I was sitting on the edge of the sink looking out the window instead of paying attention to what Mom was doing.

That probably wasn’t a good idea.

No!  Suddenly my tail seemed to get a little heavy and I turned around and looked and water was building up all around the end of my beautiful black tail.  Mom wasn’t paying attention either and suddenly she started laughing.

That’s what I would have done!

Anyway, she lifted my soggy tail out of the water and tried to dry it off a little.  I just figured I could do a better job on my own so I jumped down and ran away with Mom still laughing.

I heard you come running out of there really fast one night not long ago.

Oh, that was even more frightening.  You know how humans have that funny looking thing that’s their litter box?

You mean the thing with water in it?

Yes.  Well, Mom was watching the Olympics and I wanted to go in and look out of the bathroom window to make sure there weren’t any animals in our yard.

There are other windows you can use.

I know, but I like that one.  So, I was sitting up in the window watching our world and I got tired so I jumped down right on top of that watery thing.  Someone had left the lid up and I didn’t look before I jumped so I landed in the water.

Oh, I wish I would have had the camera handy!  Hahahahahahaha!

Hush!  I was so surprised when my feet and legs got soaked.  I ran out of there super fast and made quite a racket in the process.  Pretty soon I heard Mom come running out and when she saw me and figured out what happened, she just started laughing again.

Mom thought you were a goofball!

It wasn’t my fault.  The humans are supposed to leave the lid down so fur people and humans don’t fall in.  That’s why I think bathrooms are so dangerous.  I would stay out of them, but I still like that window!

Living With Humans 101

We thought we would let our readers know what we’ve learned about living with humans.

This is going to be fun!


I love food and Mom knows it.  I figure the best thing to do is to race out into the kitchen whenever anyone is there because the humans are sure to think I’m cute and they’ll give me food.

I have another tactic.  I pretend to try to cover my food dish.  Mom thinks I don’t like my food so sometimes she’ll give me something else.  What she doesn’t know is that I’m just trying to hide it so Shakespeare doesn’t get it.


I try to get into my cutest position so Mom will forget all the times I woke her up at night.

By the way, this doesn’t always work so I have to figure out another method.

I have a sure-fire method.  I quietly go into Mom’s room when she’s sleeping and I gently get up onto the pillow by her head.  Then when she wakes up and feels my furry body there, I kiss (lick) her hand and she tells me how precious I am.

She does not!

Yes she does!  One thing you need to learn is that it’s not good to jump on Mom when she’s sleeping.  You’re a big kitty and sometimes you hurt her, but you always surprise her.

But she tells me I’m cute when I’m sleeping.  However, I may try your method ‘cuz it sounds pretty good.


I try to race outside as fast as I can when Mom opens the door.  Of course she’s caught onto that and now she looks to see where I am.

I have a better method.  When I want to go outside I start knocking things down.  I’ll look right at Mom and knock pens off the desk, papers off the shelves, anything that I can move is in danger.  Mom gets frustrated so she always lets me outside.

Mom’s going to be reading this and now she’s going to know what you’re doing.

Shoot.  I forgot that!  Well, we are very good when we’re outside.  Both of us keep coming back in the house to say hi to Mom and let her know we’re ok.  By doing that we are guaranteed of more outside time.


Whenever Mom gets us a new toy we play with it like crazy so she’ll think we really like it.

That way we’re sure to get more toys ‘cuz Mom figures she made us so happy.

Well, these are just a few of the things we’ve learned in our short lives so far.  We’ll probably learn even more as we get older.  Maybe some of you readers out there can teach us other things to help us live better with humans.

Maybe we can go on tour and give lectures and make money and buy treats.

How do you always do that?


Bring food into every single blog!!!!

Hey, this time it’s not my fault ‘cuz it was already one of the lessons.  I just brought it up now ‘cuz I was dreaming about those wonderful treats.