Meet Mr. Cranky Pants

imageedit_1_9833726570Ladies and gentlemen.  I want you to meet someone.  I am here to introduce you to Mr. Cranky Pants.

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What are you talking about Hemingway?  And what are those funny letters on my orange furs?

Let me tell you what Mr. Cranky Pants did last night.  When Mom got home from that work place, she opened the door so we could go outside.  She also put food in our dishes so then we had a dilemma.  Go outside or eat?  I think  Mr. Cranky Pants was more interested in going outside, so of course I headed for the food dish.

After supper, when Mom let us both back in the house and closed the door, something happened.

What?

You know what.  You went all crazy whacko on us!!!  You were hissing and spitting and growling and carrying on like an idiot.  I decided to stay away from you, especially after you actually screamed at me!  Mom just stood and stared at you and so did I.

Maybe I got a bad batch of nip.

There’s no excuse for being Mr. Cranky Pants.  Mom didn’t know if she even wanted you sleeping in her room last night, but you finally calmed down.

Maybe I had a bad dream.

You were wide awake.

Well, then it must have been my evil twin!

Well, see to it that you don’t let your evil twin come around here again.

Mom’s Mad………….Again!!!

Hemingway Hiding

I’m going to hide here so Mom doesn’t see me.  She’s mad!

Shakespeare Hiding

I better hide, too!  Why is she mad?  Did you do something naughty?

No way!  She’s not made at either of us.  She came home from work and started shouting about all the stupid road construction.  Then she was mumbling things about orange cones and orange barrels.

What’s wrong with orange?

Beside the fact that it’s not black and white, I’m not sure.

I think her brother said something about being hot under the collar.  Was she wearing a collar?  Why didn’t she just take it off?

I can’t tell you.

Is it a secret?

No…..I mean I don’t know so I can’t tell you.

Did she remember to feed us?

Of course.

Then nothing’s wrong.

From the Mom:  Boys, there’s still something very wrong about road construction!  It’s everywhere.  Be thankful you can’t go out of the back yard and aren’t allowed to drive my car.  Sorry you had to hear my temper tantrum.

But can you still get to the store for our food and treats?

Patience

The Mom Speaks: 

I can tell my “boys” are related to me.  They have absolutely no patience at all!

Here’s a picture of Shakespeare checking out the new bag of food I brought home.

New Bag of Food

Now here’s what he did to the bag.  If you look closely you will see a hole that dear Shakespeare made in the bag because I wasn’t moving fast enough to open it!   He was also checking to make sure it was made in the USA!

Shakespeare Helping Himself

Then there’s Hemingway.  He decided to just help himself to the container where I had put their food.

Hemingway Helping Himself

Yes, when it comes to eating, these guys have no patience at all!!!

Now What Do We Do????

This is how I get happy. I wait for the humans to give me a tummy rub.

We have to help Mom.

What’s wrong?

Mom’s depressed.

What’s that?

I’m not sure.  As you can see, I’ve been lying here thinking about it.  I know Mom told us one time that her Grandma used to say she was going to press things and that meant she was going to get the wrinkles out of clothes with a hot thing she called an iron.

Does Mom have an iron?

Yes, but she doesn’t use it much and I know we wouldn’t be allowed to touch it.

Well, if that’s pressing, then maybe depressing is when you put the wrinkles back in.  I know Mom doesn’t want more wrinkles.  She says those things make her look old.

That’s true.  I’ve heard them talk about being depressed on TV and they seem to be sad.  Maybe that’s it.

Why is she sad?

She says the world thinks she’s too old and wants to put her out to pasture.

Is the pasture like the back yard?  That sounds like lots of fun!

I’m kind of thinking we’re on the wrong track ‘cuz that wouldn’t make Mom sad.  Sometimes trying to figure out humans is so hard.

That’s why I go outside and think.  Here’s a picture of me doing that.

Deep in thought…………probably about food!

Well, I still don’t know what we should do.  Maybe we should bring her some pretty flowers.  Did you see these outside?  Maybe she would like to have one.  I know it makes her happy to see pretty flowers, birds and butterflies.  I also know she doesn’t want me bringing her any birds or butterflies so maybe flowers will be ok.

I heard Mom say something about this time of year being the dog days of summer.  Man, that’s enough to depress any human or fur person!  Dogs get all the attention.

I think what we need to do is go crawl up in Mom’s lap, start purring and tell her that we don’t think she’s too old.   After all, she wasn’t too old to adopt us and we’re very thankful.

We should also tell her that if the world thinks she’s too old then we think the world is STUPID!

Good idea.  Mom needs to know we love her and need her ‘cuz it would be too scary for us fur people in the human world if she didn’t teach us things.

Antsy!

Why does Mom keep saying we have ants in our pants?

Haven’t we discussed this before?  It’s just another one of those silly sayings that humans have and it just isn’t logical for fur people.

I think I know why……we don’t wear pants!

And we’re not going to!  I wouldn’t put on pants ‘cuz they would hide the beautiful tuxedo I seem to be wearing already.

I wouldn’t wear pants ‘cuz they would hide my gorgeous tail!

And neither one of us would consider putting ants in our clothing if we were forced to wear clothing.

So why does Mom say that?

I think it’s because we’ve been running around the house like crazy lately.

You mean she doesn’t like our “stock cat races” that we conduct at night?

I don’t think so.  She keeps mumbling about straightening up the rugs all the time.

Well, they’re in the way of our fun!

We’ve also been making lots of noise.  I know I just feel like singing ‘cuz the weather is nice again, the sun is out, the birds are flying around and I’m just happy so I have to talk about it.

I guess I’ve been doing the same thing.  Why doesn’t Mom understand that we’re noisy and rambunctious (I saw that word on the internet and now I get to use it!) because we’re happy?

Maybe if she reads this blog she’ll understand and then she’ll start running around the house with us and making lots of noise.

I want to see that!!

IT’S MY SPECIAL DAY…..AT LAST!!!!

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY….IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!  IT’S FINALLY HERE!!  EVERYBODY SING…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I was born on March 22, 2010 and Mom adopted me on June 25, 2010.  I was really scared when I first came to my new house.  There was a big black and white cat named Hemingway that I found out was going to be my big brother.  There was also an old black and white dog named Ebony.  I didn’t know what dogs were but I liked her.  She’s gone now and I miss her.  I am a lucky kitty and I’m so glad Mom chose me.

Here’s a picture of me when I was little:

My tail was big even then!

Now that I’m two I suppose I should start planning my career.  Do you think I would make a good model?  I know I don’t want to be a football star and I don’t want to drive a race car.  However, being a model or a movie star might suit me.

Well, I better get going so everyone can greet me and talk to me on my birthday.  I’m going to play, nap, eat and run through the house ‘cuz I’m so happy it’s my birthday!

Tell you what I’m going to do.  Since it’s my birthday, if Hemingway doesn’t come back here and finish his food, then it’s mine to eat.  First I have to clean out my dish but that shouldn’t be a problem. 

To all my human and fur people friends, I just want to thank you for helping me celebrate my birthday.  I’m really enjoying my special day!

Mom…..hurry up and get home from work so I can open my presents and eat my treats!  Hemingway, thank you for letting me have the blog to myself today.  I’ll do the same for you on your birthday.

We’re Getting Excited Now!

Mom’s coming home tonight.  Mom’s coming home tonight!

My birthday’s only two days away.  My birthday’s only two days away!

Shakespeare, aren’t you excited that Mom’s coming home tonight?

Sure, it means that my birthday is even closer.

Is that all you think about?

Just because your birthday is by Christmas and there’s all sorts of parties, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t expect big things on my birthday in the middle of nothing on the calendar.

But think about it.  Since my birthday is by Christmas and the humans are so busy thinking about Christmas,  they sometimes let my special day just slide by.  Right now while I’m still kind of young and very handsome, they make an effort to remember.  What happens when I get older and the humans get older and lose their memories?

I hadn’t thought about it that way.  But I still want everyone to get excited about my birthday.  It’s my very own day!

Don’t you think we should celebrate when Mom adopted us?  I think that’s a really important date to remember.

Right!  We each have two very special days to celebrate.

I still think you should get a little excited about Mom coming home tonight.

Will she give us treats when she gets here?

Sadness

Ebony Goes Over the Rainbow Bridge 3/2/2012

Do humans feel sadness like kitties?

I think so.  We better tell the readers what happened so they know why we’re sad.

You do a better job of explaining things, so you go ahead.

Today we lost our “sister”.  Mom told me that Ebony was a Bass-Lab and she was about 16 years old so that’s really old for dogs.  She’s been sick for quite some time now and today she had more problems.

I noticed that she couldn’t walk.

Yes, Mom and Uncle Bob didn’t want her to suffer so Uncle Bob took her over to the Doctor’s house this afternoon.  He called Mom to let her know what was happening.

Is that why Mom has lots of water coming out of her eyes and nose.

Yes, she’s sad just like we are.  When I first came to live here, Ebony accepted me even though I was different from her.  Here’s a picture of us when I was little.

Wow…I don’t remember you ever being that little!  That’s a nice picture.  I’m glad Mom took it so we can remember Ebony.

I’m going to really miss Ebony ‘cuz we always took naps together.  She was too old to play with me, but we used to talk to each other.

We better go sit with Mom ‘cuz I think she needs some hugs and I know we need hugs!

Emotions: A Lesson

Shakespeare and I decided we would give our human readers a lesson on our kitty emotions.  That way if you ever come to visit us, you’ll be able to understand us better.

HAPPY:  I’m always happy when I get food or treats.  I’m happy when I can take a nap on Mom’s lap. And both of us love to be brushed and petted.  I don’t like to be brushed.  Well, you don’t know what you’re missing.

SAD:  We’re sad when Mom has to leave us and go to work.  I’m sad if we run out of food or treats.  (Mom’s really good about making sure we have plenty to eat, though.)

CONFUSED:  We’re confused with this weather stuff.  Yes, why is it nice and warm in the house but if we stick our noses outside it’s cold?  Doesn’t the sun shine hard enough to make it warm in the winter?  Does it need more batteries?  If we left the freezer door open, would the house be as cold inside as it is outside?  I don’t think we better try that stunt.  I don’t think Mom would be happy.

SCARED:  I get scared when Mom puts me in the carrier and we go to the Doctor man’s house.  I’m a big boy and I don’t need to be in a carrier, but sometimes the ride over there scares me, too.

JEALOUS:  Sometimes we get mad at each other if Mom is paying too much attention to one of us.  We’re just little kitties and we get jealous if Mom pays too much attention to one of us.  Mom tells us we’re typical little brothers.

CURIOUS:  Come on……we’re kitties, you humans know we’re always curious!  Yes, we have to explore new bags and boxes that come in the house.  I like to check out what Mom is eating so sometimes if I get the chance, I reach up and pull her plate down so I can see.  We also have to check out new humans that come into the house.  Sometimes the new humans even bring fur people with them and then we really get curious!

SLEEPY: Both of us are sleepy right now ‘cuz we just did lots of thinking.  We’re going to go curl up in the warm sunshine and take a little nap while we wait for Mom to get home.  Then it’s time to eat and I’ll be HAPPY!!!