Retro Cinco de Mayo

Way back in 2011, when Steinbeck wasn’t even a speck in his mommy kitty’s eyes, my previous ginger kitty, Shakespeare, tried to find out about this special holiday.   I haven’t checked to see what Steinbeck thinks of this special day, but here’s what Shakespeare thought.

Angel Shakespeare as a kitten

Hemingway, what is Mom talking about?  I’m trying to figure out another one of those “human” things.   She said something about mayo in the sink.  I went and looked and I didn’t see anything.  Am I missing out on something?  Do you know what she’s talking about?

Shakespeare, you know you’re not supposed to be up on the counter.  I’m going to tell Mom that you’re snooping again.

Well, I’m just trying to figure out what all the excitement is about.  I even heard them talking about it on the news this morning when Mom was trying to wake up.

I didn’t hear anything about it but I was busy staring at the dirt again.  I love to do that.  Maybe I can become the world’s best “dirt starer” and make lots of money for treats and toys.

Hemingway, you are so strange.  How can I find out about  mayo in the sink?

We could Google it.  Mom showed me how to do that.

Hey, I never thought about that!

I can’t see when you have your big tail in the way, Shakespeare!

Hey…………is this what you were hearing?  Is it Cinco de Mayo?

Maybe.  I heard “mayo” and that made me think of sandwiches and you know I love bread.  I figured Mom had some sandwiches in the sink or something.  If there isn’t any bread involved then I’ll let the humans deal with the “mayo”.

Well, I’m not too sure what it’s all about but I don’t think they mean there’s mayo in the sink.  We’ll have to ask Mom about it when she gets home from work.

I’m going to go take a nap now.  Leave the computer alone!

You Can’t Train Humans….and You Can’t Understand Them Either!

I was just running around doing my normal stuff the other night.  First I chewed on some of my toys.  Then I tried to chew on Mom’s foot.  Then I jumped up on top of the computer desk and tried to chew on the corner of it.


Then I found some paper to chew on.  It was kind of shiny and it made noise.  When I got tired of it, I tried to chew on an empty box.

That’s about the time Mom told me something that I didn’t understand at all!!!  She said I had beaver jeans.  I know Mom wears jeans sometimes but I don’t know if they’re beaver jeans or not.  What are beaver jeans?  I don’t wear any jeans…..beaver or otherwise.  Why would Mom say something like that?  


And by the way…………..what is a beaver???


ConversationWhat’s wrong Shakespeare?

I don’t feel like playing.


I’m worried about Mom.


Uncle Bob said Mom lost her marbles and I don’t know where to look for them.  By the way, what are marbles?  Do you know where they might be?

Shakespeare, it’s a good thing I look stuff up on the internet while you’re napping.  That’s just another one of those crazy human sayings.  It just means that Mom’s brother thinks that Mom’s gone off the deep end.

She’s going to drown!!!!!!!

Let me rephrase that.  It means Mom is doing something a little crazy.

Does it have to do with that big tree stump outside?

Remember the storm we had earlier this month?  Well, along Mom’s walk there were lots of trees and stumps and branches piled up because they got scared of the wind and hail and they fell down.  Then the humans put them in piles.


Mom kept looking at this one tree stump and she told Uncle Bob that there was something about it that she found really fascinating.  One night this week she talked him into driving over there with her to see if they could pick it up and bring it home.

We’ve already got that big stump from when our tree had a heart attack and died.

I know, but Mom wanted this one.  Uncle Bob must have thought it was kind of interesting too, ‘cuz he did pick it up and helped her bring it home.

So what’s Mom doing with that noisy machine now?

She said she’s sanding the stump down so it will be nice and smooth.  Then she’s going to put something on it to keep it from falling apart outside.   She claims it’s going to be really pretty when she gets it all smooth and shiny.  I stopped listening when she said it wasn’t a new scratching post for us.

Well, I hope she finds her marbles when she finishes with the stump.  Let’s show the readers what she’s working on.

This is what the stump looked like when she first got it home:

Tree Stump Before

Before She’s been working with that noisy machine trying to make it smooth so this is the first stage:

Sanding Started

First Stage of SandingWouldn’t it be fun to run along that long arm and jump into a bed of catnip?


God....why did you make humans so hard to understand?
God….why did you make humans so hard to understand?

We sometimes have trouble understanding what Mom is talking about.

If she would just speak the language of food, I know Shakespeare would understand her all the time!

The other day she looked at us and said we crack her up.

One time when we were running too fast in the house we made the lamp fall down…

I think the lamp jumped ‘cuz it was scared of us!

…anyway, it cracked and Mom said it wasn’t any good.

If we crack her up, does that mean she isn’t any good?

She also loves to call us goofballs.

We aren’t balls…..we’re kitties.

We don’t even know what a goof is.

Maybe it’s some kind of food.  Look….there’s two o’s in the middle of goof and there’s two o’s in the middle of food so it must be the same!

Shakespeare, the readers are going to think all you do is eat.  Come to think of it, your face is in the food dish an awful lot!

Maybe…..but the doctor man doesn’t tell me I have to lose some weight like he tells you.

Hush!  Back to understanding Mom.  Sometimes she tells us we’re going to summer camp.  We have no idea where this camp is and we’ve never seen Mom pack any of our toys in one of those box things to get us ready.  What’s even more strange is that she seems to threaten us with that when we’re being super naughty.

Does that mean that camp is a bad thing?

See….we just don’t understand Mom all the time. you think our readers can help us....or do they have just as much trouble with their humans?
God…do you think our readers can help us….or do they have just as much trouble with their humans?

The only time we always understand Mom is when she mentions TREATS!!!