Hey Shakespeare, have you heard that human phrase that says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

No.  Why do I want to teach any dog tricks?

I don’t know…but I was thinking about that last night.  Ebony is old but she still seems to be learning new things.  She didn’t use to eat her supper outside and now she’s learned to do that.

So?

Well, it’s just making me wonder if they say that about cats, too.  I think we’re pretty smart and I think we can learn tricks any old time we want to.  It’s just that most times we think it’s stupid to do tricks.

You do a trick to get your treats.

That’s different.  I know it makes Mom happy when I sit up and beg for my treats.

I think it’s stupid.

Well, go ahead and think that but at least Mom pays lots of attention to me when I do that.

Why are you asking me about old dogs and tricks?

In December I will be turning two.  I’m just wondering if that means I’m getting old.

I don’t think so.  You’re still lots younger than Mom.

I think everyone’s younger than Mom.

Boy are you ever going to be in trouble!!!!  If Mom sees this she probably won’t give you any treats even if you beg.  I’m going to get away from this computer before Mom thinks I’m the one talking about her being old.

I think I may have put my paw in my mouth this time!  Where’s the delete button?  Quick!!!  I need to get this off the screen before Mom……………………

I heard things are going to be falling soon.

What are you talking about?

Mom said fall is coming.  Does that mean all of us fall down?

No.  Fall is one of the seasons and it is supposed to come after summer and before winter.  However, some humans claim that in Minnesota some years winter comes right after summer!

But why is it called fall?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the leaves fall off the trees.

Oh no!!!!  I’m not liking this at all.  What happens to the branches?  Do they fall down too?  Then does the whole tree fall down?  We’re all going to be crunched!

Will you calm down? Don’t you remember last year?  I know you were still pretty little but I’m sure you noticed that outside the leaves turned different colors and then they fell to the ground.  Don’t you remember Mom complaining about all the raking she had to do?  She had to get the leaves off the ground before the snow came.  I’m not too clear on why humans think they have to do that, though.

Where do the leaves go?

They go to a resting place and then when winter is over the birds fly around and glue them back on the trees.

You’re trying to confuse me! 

Is it working?

Well, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about falling down.  I think that would hurt.

Have you been into the catnip again?  You are really goofy today.

Maybe…………but Mom still loves me!

One of our favorite things is our scratching post.

We play with it so much that it is wearing out.

That’s your fault.  You’re too rough with it.

Am not!  I just want to stretch my toes and sharpen my claws.  Besides, Mom says it’s a good thing to exercise.

Then you should have her get you a treadmill.

You’re really not being very nice today.  Why are you so crabby?

I think it’s just because it’s too hot and I’m tired of wearing this heavy fur coat.  If I start shedding my coat I know Mom will get upset ‘cuz she doesn’t like to see hair all over the place.

She’s been brushing me lots lately and I like it but you move around too much and it’s hard for her to brush you.

Maybe I’ll try standing still a couple of times.  Does it really feel good to be brushed?

Oh yes!!!  Mom gets out some of that loose hair I have and then I don’t have to worry about swallowing it when I’m grooming myself.

I never thought about that!

Hey……..how did we get from the scratching post to talking about being brushed?

Who knows?  Shall we show the humans how cute we are with our worn out scratching post?

Sure.  Maybe someone will buy us a new one!

Know what tonight is?

It’s Tuesday night and it’s too early for treats.

You always have food on the brain.  It’s “National Night Out”.

What does that mean?  Why aren’t we outside?  Does everyone go out?  Why didn’t Mom tell us about this?  Does that mean that everyone stays outside all night?  I would get scared when it got dark.  I don’t think that’s a good idea.

I listened to the news tonight and they talked about it so I know a little more than you do and if you’ll stop talking and listen, you’ll learn something.

You’re older so you’re supposed to know more so you can teach me.

Right!  Anyway, this is the night where humans get together with their neighbors.  They usually have food…..

Now I’m REALLY upset that I didn’t know about this!

As I was saying……..they get together and talk about safety and how to keep their neighborhoods safe from the bad guys.  They learn how to protect each other.

That sounds like a great idea!

I was thinking that if all the pets on this block got together for a “Night Out”, we could help the humans keep the neighborhood safe.  We could practice our growling and barking techniques and learn how to keep all the bad animals away.

And we could have food!!!

Whatever.  I’m going to tell Mom about my idea.

When will we be grown up?

I don’t know.  I’ll be two in December.  Maybe that’s grown-up.  Why are you asking about that?

Well, sometimes I hear humans talking about what they want to be when they grow up.

So?

Well, won’t they still be humans?  I mean when I grow up I’m still a cat.

That’s not what they are talking about.  Humans usually get jobs and start earning money when they grow up.  Often that means they have to go to school longer to learn more things about their specific job.

Like the doctor lady?

Yes.

I think you should be a symphony conductor.

Why?

I’ve heard they wear “tails” and they are usually dressed in black and white.  You’re all set for that.  Besides, you like music.

Your tail is bigger.  Maybe you should be a conductor.

But my tail isn’t black and I like it the way it is.  I think I’ll be a chef ‘cuz I like food so much.

Well I’m glad we got that figured out.  How come it sometimes takes humans so long to decide what they want to be when they grow up?

Maybe they just don’t want to grow up.  Have you seen my catnip toy?

Mom’s home so we got to go outside and play!

We had so much fun tonight and we wanted to share it with you.

Yawn………….these are the “cat days of summer”.

What do you mean by that?

It’s hot and I’m lazy.

You’re lazy even when it’s not hot!

I’m going to tell Mom that you can’t say anything nice and then she won’t let you have any catnip.

Sorry.  I guess I just get a little cranky when it’s so hot and humid.

So does Mom!!!

But what made you come up with the “cat days of summer”?  Where did you hear it?

Actually, I think humans call it “dog days of summer” but that just didn’t seem right.  Why should dogs get top billing?  Anyway, when you were sleeping I looked up some information on the internet.  Many, many, many human years ago, people could see more stars in the night sky and they noticed that Sirius, the “dog star”, was the brightest and in ancient times they thought the heat from that star transferred to the sun because during the summer Sirius rises and sets with the sun.

Way too much information for my little brain!

I guess I got carried away with my research.  I still like to call them the “cat days of summer” ‘cuz humans could think of fluffy kitties lying upside down, all stretched out, purring contentedly.  Do dogs purr?  No, they bark.  So if you call them the “dog days of summer” you think of a drooling dog barking and shedding. 

Humans………Hemingway and I want to start a campaign to call them the “cat days of summer” and suggest that humans just lie in hammocks, drinking cold water with some catnip leaves, humming (since you humans don’t purr), and just relaxing during the heat and humidity.

And no barking!

What does that mean?

Thank Goodness It’s Food!

Oh it does not!  You’re just trying to get me all excited and it’s not going to work.  There’s still some food in the dish so I know it’s not time for treats.   Besides, Mom is at work.

Well, I just wanted to see if you were listening.  You’ve been kind of sleepy lately.

I  think all this hot weather did me in.  The fans that Uncle Bob set up helped and of course going down into the basement felt pretty good, but I really wanted to go outside and everyone kept telling me it was too hot.

Maybe if I search on the internet I can find out why it had to get so hot and humid this week.  I don’t remember last summer being this bad.  You were still pretty little so I know you didn’t notice.

Maybe everyone turned on their ovens and opened the doors and that’s what made it so hot.

That might be the answer!

Ok humans…………turn off your ovens.  We’re too hot!!!

Don’t you wish you had my fur?

Not at all.  You have way too much fur.

But at least my fur isn’t black.  I have nice light-colored fur and even though there’s lots of it, I don’t get that uncomfortable.  Aren’t you hot?

Hotter than an erupting volcano.  I don’t know what to do.  When Mom gets hot she wears shorts and t-shirts. 

You don’t want to start wearing clothes, do you???

No.  You always interrupt me.  It’s just that Mom can put on fewer clothes and that helps her stay a little cooler.  I would need to remove this heavy black fur coat that I have on and I don’t think that’s possible.

I bet if you went to the Doctor Lady’s House they would shave off that heavy fur coat for you.  I’ll call and make an appointment.

You are no help at all.  You just want me to look ridiculous.  All I want is to get a little cooler.

Let’s go down in the basement and take a nap.

Just stay away from that phone!

I really don’t understand humans.

Neither do I.

Sometimes they make no sense at all when they’re talking.

I know……but what brought this on?

Mom said we have ants in our pants.

What?  You must have heard wrong.

Nope.  That’s what she said.  In the first place neither of us wear pants.

I wouldn’t even want to wear pants.  They would cover up my pretty fur.

Well, even if we did wear pants, why on earth would we want to put ants in them?  Aren’t ants those little bugs we chase around outside?

Yes.  I like to pounce on them but then they stop moving.

That’s because your big feet squash them!

I still don’t know why Mom thinks we would put ants in our pants.  Maybe later I can look it up on the internet.

It must be another one of those Mom things.

Let’s go find some toys to play with.  If anyone out there knows why Mom thinks we should wear pants and why we should put ants in them, please let us know!